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You know you're from OREGON if:

    1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor
    on the highway.

    2. "Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend.

    3. You measure distance in hours.

    4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

    5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

    6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

    7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through a raging rain storm
    without flinching.

    8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

    9 You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
    both unlocked.

    10. You think of the major food groups as elk meat, beer, fish, and
    berries.

    11. You carry jumper cables in your pickup and your wife knows how
    to use them.

    12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Bi-Mart
    store at any given time.

    13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a raincoat.

    14. Driving is better in the winter because almost everybody stays
    home.

    15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

    16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still raining,
    and construction.

    17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when
    you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

   18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your  friends from Oregon . (and surrounding territory)


(thanks, Dusty!)

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I believe- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- that you can keep going long after think you can't.

I believe- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe- That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.

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1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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Things That make You Go "HUH???"


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  New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com!

There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

 

  New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.  People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili.  Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?  Trout?  Luckily, it was only a finger!  If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

 

  New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.  Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them?  Okay, we're done.

 

  New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water.  There's a whole aisle of this at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink.  You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt.  That's your flavored water.

 

  New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the problem.  If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge problem.

 

  New Rule: I'm not the cashier!  By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter"

again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.  Paper, plastic?  I don't have time for that. 

I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

 

  New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." 

 

  New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport.  It's one of the seven deadly sins.  ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too darned exciting. What's next, competitive belching?  Oh wait.

They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

 

  New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M.  If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

 

  New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens.  Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

 

  New Rule: No more gift registries.  You know, it used to be just for weddings.  Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving.

 

  New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.

After I’m done, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint. I just want to wash my hands.

 

  New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months."  "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.

 

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